Posted by
Board Certified M.D. on Wednesday, April 18, 2007 12:58:55 PM
This Care Notes Author was found at the The Lighthouse a publication of Batten Disease and Support Research Association Lighthouse website. Her thoughts and works are powerful and very well thought out. They seem to capture the feelings of Loss well amd so very eloquently.
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The death of a grown child is unthinkable and yet it is a fact that so many must come to grips with. How can one cope with the pain of outliving a child, when at the root of the overwhelming pain lies the conviction that you, not your child, should have died first? Consoling sections in this CareNote include: Expect slow....very slow healing; Find support wherever you can; Claim your heritage,namely: "Keep in mind," that your son or daughter has left a heritage for you in everything his or her life meant."
Take Heart. You've buried a part of yourself with your daughter or son, and the loss will ache for a very long time. Nonetheless, your
adult child will always be a part of you, living in your memories and in your heart. Better than any of the people who offer you the cliché, you know that the value of a life cannot be measured in years.
The early months of grief are characterized by disorientation and
emotional numbness, volatile emotional swings, loss of appetite,
inability to sleep, and loss of short-term memory. {One of the first
questions parents ask}. is: "Is this normal or am I going crazy?"
One of the easier tasks in working with bereaved parents is to assure
them that what they are experiencing is normal and that they need
not waste energy on the fear of craziness.
-Dennis Klass, Ph.D. - Parental Grief: Solace and Resolution
The Care Notes Writer, Carol Luebering, goes on to eloquently put into words the depth of pain one feels in their Grief.... |
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Death shatters an unfolding relationship(with a son, daughter or loved one). This time your son or daughter is really gone. And so is what was supposed to live on after your death: the genetic heritage you passed on, the mannerisms and the values your offspring picked up from you. Not even death can change the fact that your child, whether born of your own flesh or made yours through adoption and nurture, is part of you. You invested much of your treasure{financial, emotional, spiritual}in this person, and you cannot recover from such a loss overnight. Recovery will take years and, in a sense, you will never fully recover.
One woman whose daughter died seven years ago puts it this way: "My nephew lost a leg 20 years ago. At 43, he lives a full and active life without it, even though he limps a bit when he is tired, even though he still feels pain. Losing my daughter has been like
that for me. At first I couldn't bear to put my feet on the floor in the morning. It still hurts. Sometimes the pain is sharp, sometimes I limp quite badly. But, I go on. Sometimes I even run or dance."
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This Writer speaks of a young man who lost his leg at an early age, now 24 years later he gets along fine but he still limps. "So it is when a parent loses a child, years later hopefully they will get along fine but there is a limp in one's Soul."
Here's some powerful prayers.
Prayers of St. Augustine
"Watch, O Lord, with those who wake, or watch, or
weep tonight, and give your angels charge over r
those who sleep.
Tend your sick ones, O Lord Christ.
Rest your weary ones.
Bless your dying ones.
Soothe your suffering ones.
Pity your afflicted ones.
Shield your joyous ones.
And for all your Love's sake. Amen."
Our Hearts were made for God and are restless until they find rest in You, Oh God...St.Augustine
Mary wept at the Cross, thus the Cross of Mary.... We love life but we were made for God and hope lies in this fact in spite of the Pain. We believers are Blessed for we know that we will meet our loved ones again. I will hold the families' and friends' loss in my prayers. May the Holy Spirit console these Parents and families for Losing a "young person in the flower of their youth" is so difficult so crushing- beyond words and thoughts-(I think of my daughter and the thought is suffocating). Our Lord wept for Lazarus. I'm struck by this story and even as a child have been puzzled by the sadness of the Lord when he wept after Lazarus died, Why? Especially when he would rise him from the dead. John 11:33:
- "When Jesus saw Mary weeping, and the Jews who had accompanied her also weeping, he was troubled in spirit, moved by the deepest emotions.....Jesus began to weep....".
How curious that our Lord would weep? However, Our Lord was fully Human as well as fully Divine so he felt the people's sorrow and loss. How Human and how Loving is our God! What an Incredible God we have! The departed have completed their work for God and his Kingdom. Those of us who are left behind have more work to do for God and his Kingdom. We must be the hands and feet our Lord! How true the saying...life is indeed bitter sweet-indeed, a beautiful rose like Life has thorns... God's Healing Balm.....may his Angels, Archangels and Saints lovingly soothe the wounds of your Souls and help your Limping Souls run and dance once again in spite of the painful Limp it now has and will always have. Remember o ye suffering ones, that what you do with your pain is your gift to your beloved and this fruit born of pain can become one of the loving legacies of their incredible yet way too short mortal Lives....
God's Speed and fast Dear Grieving Mortal Souls of Humanity